Or "What I Saw At The Big Day Out in Auckland Where Really Cool Bands Like Iggy Pop and The Stooges Played"
Left - Hot Boy Nicholas McCarthy from Franz Ferdinand shows Kimpy how to stamp her feet and shake her floppy haircut Beatles style while rocking 35,000 people
Right - Hot Hips Houlahan, aka Iggy Pop gets motherf**king down with his motherf**kin' ki-f**kin'-wi fans
He's a small man, brown like a beauty counter saleswoman, with straggly dyed blonde hair and some sort of hip dysplasia problem.
He wore the sort of jeans girls called Charlene and Sheryl wear when they've dropped the kids at their chain-smoking mothers' houses on a Friday night and are on out the town in the Hutt or maybe even ... erm ... Hamilton.
He punctuated every sentence with f**k or even motherf**k. He called us motherf**kin' kiwis in an affectionate way.
He got a whole lot of people up and stage from the crowd and called them his motherf**kin' kiwi dancers.
He was a 58-year-old unstoppable, crowd-surfing, swear-o-matic dynamo of rock 'n rollness.
He made bunny ears with his hands on his head like a little girl, before skipping off stage.
But he didn't show us his penis.
Left - Big Day Out special guests Natalia and Mafew
Below - Janna and Kimpy on the job finding the real stories