What a swell birthday this is

What I got for my birthday, a short list by Kimberley Rothwell
1. Underpants - 2 x hipster style with brightly coloured stripes, 1 x cheeky style, like Kylie Minogue would wear if she shopped at Farmers
2. Earrings, mother of pearl and silver, mmm
3. Toiletries - people who know me know I love my bath tub
4. Chocolate - people who know me also know how close I have come to my pal peanut slab recently
5. A ticket to the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe movie. Loved Lucie's teef and Tumnus' hard hard nipples
6. A lovely day out to Raglan with my pals Amy, Tane, Lauren, Dave, Esther, Denise, Tahana, Turner and Bruce. Ended the day with a swim at Wainui beach - warm water and overcast skies make us pale-skinned people happy - no need to spend hours and hours applying sunblock
7. A big fat choclit birfday cake from me mam, wiv golden icing what spelled my name.
8. A round of Happy Birthday to you from all the ladies crammed into Susan, the assistant editor's office as they vied for that Maybelline eye shadow in the year's last sale of reviewed makeup goodies
9. A round of Happy Birthday to you from Chloe and Karin, followed by dinner and my favourite pudding - neapolitan icecream and peaches
10. Texts and calls from people from around the world; Davie, Mrs Firestone, my imaginary mate Cletus, Chris, Mrs Fellingham, Beatrix Rothwell-O'Neill, Craig, the Dalai Lama, Prince Charles
11. A snuggle and a cuddle with Charlie, after I'd fed him of course.