I'm watching Harper on his playmat rolling over in fits and starts, reaching for things just beyond his grasp, dribbling on everything and then lying down to have a short rest. His little legs are in constant motion, he's attempting to get closer to a toy but can't quite get his knees up and get traction with his feet, but he's trying and I can't get over how different he is from a few weeks ago. He glances over at me with his cheeky grin, and tells the crocheted bunny in his hand something I don't understand. He's looking about his world with delight, reaching up to a flower, talking to a bee, giggling at his own reflection. And the main thing - he's not grizzling with sore gums.
I have had stink days being a mum, wishing I could go back to my old life for just one day, but I don't feel like that so much anymore. I was lying in bed in Auckland the other day with Harper happily having his breakfast in my lap, thinking how hard it was to get breastfeeding bearable for both of us and how easy it is now. I can now see how Harper fits into my old life, how that old life is enriched by his presence. I'm loved up on parenting.
At least I feel that today. Tomorrow when his teeth hurt and he can't bear me going to the toilet without him I may feel different.